mermaidtales | Fic: Schmoop Bingo

Title: Bookends (HSAU Verse)
Words: 2235
Rating: PG-13
Pairing/Characters: Pike/Number One
Summary: The bond makes the hard times easier.
Notes: A bit h/c -y, emphasis on the comfort and love part. For

schmoop_bingo square 'soulbonding'. This is technically two fics. First from after/during game 5.5(back to school senior year/Chekov's father gets captured) and the second from after Senior year Prom debacle. The first is actually a slightly alternate take than what occurred in game.

He's been radiating emotions all day - a flash of fear here, worry (though he was always worrying), determination, anger - but it all had mellowed into a puddle of regret. Number One still felt the rest, things churning beneath the surface as he thought, but he was stuck. At least as far as she could tell.

He had let her in with barely a word. Now he sat at the breakfast bar resting his head in a hand, his shoulders slumped in defeat. she was in the kitchen replicating some food. He just about had to be forced to eat when he was dealing with things. It had always driven Boyce mad on the ship.

"Maybe I let it happen, maybe I wanted him to hate me." It's the first thing he's said in 20 minutes. He says it mostly to the counter.

One sighs, takes the plate from the replicator and carries it over. It's a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, his comfort food. He looks up enough to see it and lets a soft 'heh' of a laugh fall from his lips.

"You care about him; you weren't trying to push him away," she says, interrupting his daze. Times like these their connection is a real boon. They know how to decipher each other. As if they didn't know already after so long. He pulls the plate a little closer but doesn't start to eat.

"I'm tired of all the mess, though. Tired of seeing them all attacked and tearing themselves up over every little thing." He takes a bite of the sandwich and chews slowly, thinking, "Decisions are easier to make when you don't have to watch the minutiae of their reactions. I'm too close to the kids."

"You're helping them."

"Didn't help so much today. Who lets command arrest their foster child's father right in front of them? Let's be honest, I'm not good at the whole parenting thing anyway. He'd be better with someone else. "

"They gave you custody because they believed you could help him."

"They gave me custody because I'm convenient, willing, and given my record they knew they could trust me to keep my mouth shut when needed." He scowls as he dips the sandwich in the soup. "And I did just that today."

"They trust your judgment. Parenting may not be the same as running a starship but in some ways it's not all that different. You have to know when to be firm, when to be soft, when to break the rules and when to follow them. And sometimes you're going to get it wrong. No one's perfect, Chris." She leaned her elbows on the counter across from him.

He fixed her with a weary stare. He looked old, older than he should. She knows this is not just about the arrest. This is about being on land too long, about second guessing himself, about thinking he failed. Number One knows more than a few things about Chris Pike and his reactions and she knows that he does not take failure well. He'll fake otherwise for show but it kills him.

"But they're kids, he's sixteen for crying out loud. sending Twenty-two-year-olds who signed on knowing the danger to go get hurt is shit enough, but causing that kind of pain when he's still in high school is worse. When I took him in, I committed myself to help him, to let him adjust and get some semblance of a normal life. I agreed to command's measures, sure, but I kept them from him so he could just go on with his life and pretend to be normal for awhile. I gave him leeway, I didn't meddle if I could help it, I wanted to give him something stable, but it's impossible here." He pushes the plate aside, a third of the food still present. He rested his chin in his hands again. Bracing himself from falling she thinks. His arms and hands are tense and he bites discreetly at a thumbnail - one of the bad habits she doubts he’ll ever kick.

"C’mon." She stands up straight and walks around the counter to bodily move him from the stool and lead him to the couch. He follows her lead after an initial reluctance.

She sits first and pulls him down on top of her. Then she guides them down to lay intertwined, and they shift and adjust to find a comfortable position for them both. They're mostly side by side, just fitting on the fraying couch and his arms grip her tightly. She brushes two fingers through the stray curl that's flopped to his forehead again before running her hand through his hair. Letting them rest at the nape of his neck, she presses their foreheads together.

"Chris...now listen to me. As brilliant as you are you are also very stupid sometimes. And right now you're being stupid. You're the one who always says that you just have to accept things and move forward. Accept today and move forward. You'll work thing out so command and Pavel are both happy. You've negotiated harder deals and you know it." One glares at him good and hard and he's stuck watching back. He's in pain but steadying. This is what he needs right now. She softens her expression and runs a hand up and down his back as she continues. "Your emotions have been screaming at me all day. It's time to let yourself rest. Put it out of your mind, focus on me, and just breathe Chris."

"You're too good to me," he whispers reverently.

"You just forget your own worth." They kiss softly for a few moments. When they separate, they move in tandem to shift their positions. They roll in increments so that he's laying on his back on the couch proper, head and shoulders partly propped up on the side, and she is supported by him, his arms still holding her fiercely to his chest. She curls into the embrace and rests her head on his shoulder. They can look at each other if they tilt their heads the right way and they both find comfort at the echo of breath and heartbeats between them.

If there is one thing Number One has taught him, it is that words are not always necessary. This is a reminder. After a minute ,their breathing has synced up and she feels his grip loosen from desperate to just standard needy. She smiles the slightest bit and opens her mind a little wider to him, careful not to overwhelm but enough so their thoughts can mix and exchange.

Pike lets out a breath of relief as the sensation overtakes him. The intimacy of this will never get old he thinks. Neither thought they would get the bond this stable, this deep. His human limitations on top of her only half Betazoid genes seemed like large blocks on the path, but their minds are in harmony and the thoughts ebb and flow between them as they silently offer up their worries and trade comfort. They bask in the intimacy of the act and the peace it brings them both.

They've both felt so many years of doubt and questions over their relationship, and what they felt, that now, to finally be together and be able to both see exactly what the other is thinking, to say the things words miss... it’s a special sort of soul-soothing comfort. And now, with the ring fresh on her finger, they can retreat from the messes around them, trials and arrests and angry teenagers.

-

They keep outwardly professional as they get ready to leave, but the conversation they're having by padd is anything but. They're checking and double-checking and organizing, but beneath everything her mind is racing and the only thing either wants to do is curl up and sleep away the disaster. By the time they've said goodbye, their second conversation has devolved into raw declarations of love. Worried, pleading declarations, because a student died tonight and it seems their future granddaughter too and they've seen enough death in their time already. Because death both reminds them to live and of what they might lose. And here, after finding each other again, after finally carving out a life together, the greatest thing to lose is the family they've built.

Pike takes her hand and holds her steady as they walk out to the car; the only sign they allow themselves until they are home. The drive is silent. Technically silent, at least. Internally she's opened the bond a little wider and they're throwing things back and forth. Going over the night and the details of the time travelers and the ten million possibilities of what tonight means. Pike does not let go of her hand as he drives and letting go to get out feels traitorous. They walk silently to the door and he puts a hand on the small of her back and ushers her inside first. He locks the door mechanically and steers her to the couch.

"Stay," he says gently and she reaches for his arm and pulls him down to her for a kiss before she lets him go. The kiss itself is chaste, an affirmation to steady them both, but her hand holds him tightly. Desperately. When she releases him, he goes straight for the replicator and gets the tea she likes and brings it to her. Number One accepts it and just breathes it in a moment to steady herself before taking a sip. Pike settles besides her and just watches her a moment. She sets the tea aside and turns to curl into his body. This is something she may not be able to protect Christine from and that always hits her hardest.

One buries her face into his neck and just breathes and twists a hand into his uniform front. Pike's still in dress uniform and she's in a shining blue dress that's spilling all over the couch and now his lap. Chris wraps his arms around her and urges her to relax, running a hand over her bare shoulders and pressing kiss after kiss into her hair. He tries to focus on pleasant memories and send them to her. It's not as effective as when she does it to him, but it helps.

They sit and hold on to each other and try to find something to dwell on that calms them both. It's not a singular thought that does it, but a combination of several moments. Their wedding, Christine's last birthday, that time with the time loop, the first time they made love.

An hour later, she allows him to walk her to bed and he undresses her carefully and tucks the dress away as she slips on an old shirt of his to sleep in. They are silent as they move around each other. He shrugs out of the uniform jacket before following her to the bathroom to help unpin her hair. He runs fingers through it and One leans into the touch.

"Chris..."

"I know. " He presses a kiss into her hair. "You should sleep." Their eyes meet in the mirror and she's still too numb for comfort. She's taken in too many emotions tonight. She's overwhelmed and it's all trapped in her head.

He puts an arm around her and edges her to move and they walk back to the bedroom. He eases her down and sits beside her, then toes off his boots and lets them drop off the side of the bed. He's still in his dress pants and undershirt but can't be bothered to change.

They fall asleep curled together, but the sleep isn't easy.

At 3 a.m. Pike wakes up to his padd chime and can't sleep so he answers. Halfway through the conversation he's awake enough to change the dress pants for something more comfortable and shuffle to the kitchen for coffee. He sits in bed watching Number One and trying to put Caroline, and then Tony and Lucy, and then Jon, back together again. At 6 am he ushers Jon inside and up to the guest room. Pavel and Sulu are still out, he notes. Hopefully they're having a better time of things at least. Once Jon’s settled, Pike wanders back to bed and falls asleep against Number One for three hours before Number One wakes him because Christine is on her way.

"Thank you," she says and kisses his cheek briefly before setting a mug of coffee on the bedside table. "You have about 15 minutes before she gets here."

"Everyone's imploding," he sighs as he sits up and gulps down a third of the coffee.

"So we'll be steady. "

"Like always."

"Like always," she agrees. "Now get dressed." She nudges him as he stands and stretches. "C'mon where is that ready in ninety seconds enthusiasm."

"No one's firing at us, therefore I can take five minutes."

"I suppose."

"You saw Jon's here, I assume?"

"Of course. He's not doing well."

"No, no he isn't."

"You'll work it out."